questions

Photo by: *Hairbear

It has been almost four months since I've blogged and it's definitely well past the time for me to do an update.

I've been making preparations to move to Wales, and caught up in the midst of work, which for some reason, has become overwhelming.

I haven't filled out a visa application yet, but expect to do so in April. I found out in December that the U.K. has tightened up their borders since the economy took a global nosedive in 2008. After adding up my 'points'on their website, I came to the disappointing realization that they are only taking people who have Phds and make $60,000 a year (neither category of which I am anywhere near fitting into). Also, that particular visa has dropped from being good for three years down to two, a fact which would make it madness for me to pursue at this stage in my life -- not being independently wealthy.

But, in this case, there is another door, to which I do have a key.

I can apply for a visa based on U.K. ancestry (proof of a parent or grandparent being born in the U.K.), and that visa is actually good for five years, and from the sounds of it, much easier to renew if desired, after that time frame is up.

My dad's mother was born in England. Thankfully my stepmother was able to give me some much-needed birth information. The Ontario Archives helped me track down the date of my grandmother's marriage. It was frustrating finding and getting all the information and more frustrating applying for certified certificates through the Ontario government website, but by early February I had ordered the needed certificates.

I need five: my birth certificate, my dad's birth certificate, my parents' and grandparents' marriage certificates and my grandmother's birth certificate. I have received all of them now except my dad's birth certificate, which should be here by the end of March at the latest. His was slowed down as I needed to get proof of his death (which, again, my stepmother was able to send me), and because I don't think the Ontario government has the records before 1930 computerized, and my dad was born in 1929.

It's been fascinating and frustrating.

Also, I'm getting work on my teeth done and have found a doctor (and, thankfully, one who seems to know what he is doing) and am in the process of making sure I am healthy enough to consider what I am considering.

Sad to say, but true, I have avoided dentists and doctors since I have been in Toronto. The main reason, I guess, is that I have been healthy enough to do so. But another strong reason is that after the deaths of my parents in 2004 and 2005, I haven't had a lot of faith in the medical profession, nor wanted to be anywhere near a medical office. A lot of this was simply based on painful memories it was time to put aside or deal with, as I know, in my head, that doctors saved both my parents more than once.

I can't figure out why work has gone from bad to worse. I am exhausted from it often -- sleeping 10 to 12 hours on the weekends and barely able to make my mind work. The rush after Christmas never died down -- or, rather, it simply morphed into one situation after another -- and promises to continue to do so with a big office move in June and a layout makeover the same month. And I may be stressing myself out with the realization of all I need to do to make this move a reality. Ouch.

And, of course, I question the wisdom of the move. Is it not possible for me to be happy here in Toronto? I bring myself and my insecurities with me when I move. It's possible a new job in Cardiff would drive me round the bend, too. Then it scares me to think I'm considering staying in this city, because I think it's a slow death here.

I haven't had much time to play with the dreamy aspect of the move, not any actually -- and I think that is what I am missing. I want the move but am frustrated with how work just drains me and I'm not able to conjure up the fun of it.

Paul Harris, my former guide to Wales, invited me to his wedding in June!! This was in early February, and just a fantastic surprise and great news. Of course, I can't be there in June, as I'm still planning on being landed there in September, but it was good to hear he's getting married, wonderful to be invited, and nice to feel I'll have friends on the ground when I get there. But, I'm also sad that I haven't had time to get on Facebook and follow their wedding preparations, haven't had time to blog. This plan of mine should not be so wrapped in brown paper, as it seems -- yet, I kind of feel I'm wrapping it in this cloak myself.

I sought some psychic advice today. I haven't been to a proper psychic in a very long time, and accidently came across a notice yesterday of a major show today, and off I went. Spent too much money getting two readings, but I did need them. Of course, the readings were contradictory, which is still fine. I take what I want from them, and sometimes the contradictions help you realize what you want to hear.

The first reading was by a friendly older woman, who read cards and picked up rather quickly that my love life was nonexistent and has been for quite some time. She said that in mid-September I would start to live the life I was meant to live -- a fulfilling, happy life. However, she doesn't see me moving out of the country, or even out of Toronto. She sees me meeting the man of my dreams in May or June (in a park while he's walking his dog), and that I would be moving, but probably in with him. (If I were to meet anyone in Toronto, this would be a scenario that makes sense. The parks are where I go to revive a sense of self.) Unbelievably, she thinks I am up for a promotion at work (management jobs there are actually worse -- so not a good prediction.)

The second reading was a numerology reading, which I've never had done before. The reader was a gregarious Scotsman, decked out in a kilt, who was a natural showman and huckster, but whose energy I liked. He also picked out mid-September as a turning point in my life, but he said a move to Wales was in tune with my soul's purpose, and that eventually I would be working for myself as a writer.

These readings did help confirm my own feelings. I love the idea of having a man to share life with, but the thought of staying in Toronto depressed me. It is possible though that it could change everything. The confirmation of my own feelings about Wales and my sense of possibility there, did give me a renewed sense of hope -- which is what I was looking for.

This entry has gone on a long time. I've almost forgotten how to write, it's been so long. I don't imagine I'll be able to write often in the next few months. I already have the idea of changing my blog's name when (if) I get to Wales and calling it: A Canadian in Cardiff.

I'm heading off to Florida in mid-April for a week's stay with my stepmother, and am looking forward to the warm, floral-scented breezes.

Adieu.